In preparing for your family Pesach celebration in Mexico tomorrow (this post was done on Friday, April 14), the only things you asked the ex-wife to bring was matzah and salt water. Apparently, she was able to handle the salt water, but could not find matzah and made a desperate phone call asking that he who was bringing everything, and all his shopping was done, schlep back out for matzah. Imbued with the holiday spirit, that request was blessed by his assent. Then, the horror began. After an exhaustive search, and even asking for help, it turned out Fry's was out of matzah ("we don't really stock it except for Passover and then not so much"). Being under a time crunch to get back to make the hourly turn of the brisket, you dash off to your old Safeway. What a zoo!!! Terrible parking and terribly crowded. But, alas, they did have a couple of boxes of acceptable matzah (and several boxes of whole wheat onion matzah and who knows what's that about). Then you go to the express checkout (there is no self-checkout), and it's like a plague, and certainly worse than frogs and locusts, not to mention darkness. There is no limit to the number of items one can have and still use the express checkout. There is no time limit on how long a customer can stall the checkout by talking to the clerk. Now you understand why many people just use stoned wheat thins and eschew the matzah. Rest assured that Elijah won't know the difference.